SlushPile Challenge

Monday, April 09, 2007

Challenge: Country Western Ho Down


The Challenge: Take a country and Western Song and make it into a comic book.

Mike's Pitch: Merle Haggard meets Captain Cold

"The Coldest Time Of Winter"

It's a one-shot Christmas tale starring Captain Cold.

Merle Haggard's "If We Make It Through December"

If we make it through December
Everythings gonna be all right I know
It's the coldest time of winter
And I shivver when I see the fallin snow

If we make it through December
I got plans of bein in a warmer town come summer time
Maybe even California
If we make it through December we'll be fine

I got laid off down at the factory
And there timings not the greatest in the world
Heaven knows I been workin' hard
I wanted Christmas to be right for daddy's girl
Now I don't mean to hate December
It's meant to be the happy time of year
And why my little girl don't understand
Why daddy can't afford no Christmas here

If we make it through December
Everythings gonna be alright I know
It's the coldest time of winter
And I shivver when I see the fallin' snow

If we make it through December
I got plans of bein' in a warmer town come summer time
Maybe even California
If we make it through December we'll be fine

Leonard Snart is Captain Cold, blue collar career criminal and longtime member of the Flash's Rogues Gallery. The story opens with Captain Cold walking alone across the Arctic tundra at night (think Jack Londron's "To Build A Fire"). He's stranded there with no transportation and nothing but his cold gun.

Inside the framing story of him trying to get to civilization, we get a series of flashback which reveal the main story. Cold's stranded after a heist gone wrong, a job he tried to pull that was too dangerous, too risky. A job he never would attempt normally. But why?

Cold's past has caught up with him. He has an illegitimate daughter, the product of a drunken one night stand. He pulled the job so he can give the girl enough money to get out of the abusive foster home she's stuck in. Cold's a villain, but his heart's made of stone not ice. Family's important to him, even family he didn't know existed (see past history re: Golden Glider).

So, we've got Captain Cold trying to survive in the cold (get it?) and the little girl and the heist gone wrong. The flashbacks end where the main story starts, with Cold getting stranded, and the main story ends with the hanging question of does he make it though December? It's a sad, sad Christmas tale.

24 lines in the song. Each page of the comic begins with a caption box of the song's next lyric.

PAGE 14, PANEL 1. COLD'S POV LOOKING DOWN AT HIS FEET. THE SNOW IS ALMOST UP TO HIS KNEES. VISIBLE IN THE PANEL ARE COLD'S HANDS, FINGERS CURLED UP AND NUMB. LYING HALF BURIED WHERE HE DROPPED IT, IS THE COLD GUN.

CAPTION: "IT'S MEANT TO BE THE HAPPY TIME OF YEAR..."

PANEL 2. COLD'S DROPPED TO HIS KNEES AND IS REACHING FOR THE GUN WITH NUMB FINGERS.

PANEL 3. MATCH SHOT OF A LITTLE GIRL, KNEELING IN THE SAME POSITION. SHE'S IS A SPARSE, MOONLIT BEDROOM, KNEELING AT THE BED AND SAYING HER PRAYERS.

GIRL: "AND IF I DIE BEFORE I WAKE..."

PANEL 4. MATCH SHOT AGAIN, THIS TIME IT'S CAPTAIN COLD ON HIS KNEES FIRING HIS COLD GUN AT A PAIR OF SECURITY GUARDS, FREEZING THEM WHERE THEY STAND. BEHIND COLD, REACHING IN FROM OFF PANEL TO GRAB HIM ARE A PAIR OF HANDS WEARING FAMILIAR RED GLOVES WITH A YELLOW LIGHTNING BOLT DESIGN.

COLD: "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE! DON'T YOU KNOW I'M COLD!"

Rob's Pitch: Drop Kick Me Jesus Through the Goal Posts of Life

"Make me, Oh make me, Lord, more than I am
Make me a part of your master game plan
Free of the earthly temptations below
I've got the will, Lord, if you've got the toe."

JESSE CRISTOS is a high school Quarterback in Bethlehem, PA...but could he also be the future father of the messiah? DKJTGL is the story of JESSE and his protector, RABBI BEN JONES, the cowboy Rabbi, appointed by god to keep JESSE free from temptation and safe from the legions of hell set to stop him.

DKJTGL is an action story filled with Mesopotamian chaos-monsters, a secret army of Zionist zealots posing as cheerleaders, the time traveling ninja hordes of the anti-pope, Judaic mysticism, an evil Santa Claus and high school football. It's H.P. Lovecraft meets Friday Night Lights Meets Hellboy with all of them getting their ass kicked by Clint Eastwood firing his gun and quoting the Talmud.

Main Characters:

RABBI BEN JONES is a hard bitten cattle rancher and former Vietnam vet who converted to Judaism after god saved his life as he laid dying in a rice patty. Scholar and warrior, cowboy and priest, he spent years battling the forces of darkness. Retiring to his ranch he watched as one of his cattle gave birth to the Red Heifer who fulfilled the ancient prophecy of the coming messiah. Armed with the Sefer Yetzirah (Jewish "book of creation" that creates Golems, can rewrite life, etc) and a trusty Smith and Wesson, the RABBI must prepare JESSE to face his destiny.

JESSE is the son of a Honduran immigrant, and all around all-American. JESSE does not know that his father was a direct descendant of ABRAHAM, and that his blood carriers in it the fulfillment of 6 thousand years of prophecy. JESSE's son is due to lead the tribes of Judah and liberate Israel from bondage.

Other Characters:

PETER IV THE TIME TRAVELING ANTI-POPE: Pope of he second Babylonian Captivity (the first was when the Papacy moved from Rome and we had the reign of the "anti-popes". Also known as the Avignon Papacy in the 14th century.) from the year 2027 where great wars have ravaged Europe and JESSE's son now leads an army. PETER and his Cyborg legion has vowed to put a stop to JESSE by the power of their Time Engines.

AHASUERUS the WANDERING JEW: A roman centurion "cursed" by Jesus to walk the Earth until the coming of the messiah. Over the centuries he decided that he quite liked being immortal and was in no rush for his "curse" to be over. Now JESSE stands in the way. To stop him, AHASUERUS has taken the job of JESSE's football coach. Can the RABBI foil him while still letting the team make the state finals?

MIRIAM BITTER: Girlfriend of JESSE and distrustful of the RABBI ("How can he believe in god if he's not even a Christian!?") MIRIAM is believed by JESSE to be the mother of the Messiah. The RABBI suspects she's holding a terrible secret.

KRAMPUS: Germanic precursor to Santa Claus, KRAMPUS holds the staff of Odin and Odin's flying horse Sleipnir. Only the RABBI can see the true form of the KRAMPUS. To the people of Bethlehem, KRAMPUS is the kindly bearded man, NICK. KRAMPUS wishes a return of the old Norse Gods so he can lay down the burden of Odin's staff.

The story is that of accepting your destiny, even if acceptance means shooting a whole bunch of people.

It's pickup trucks, exploding temporal bombs hidden as footballs, bibles, sacred cows, super intelligent Jewish dinosaurs, and allot of spent ammunition...all told to the soundtrack of a country and western song.

HALF PAGE SPLASH PANEL. WE SEE THE FUTURE RABBI BEN JONES LYING IN A RACE PATTY. HE LOOKS LIKE A YOUNG CLINT EASTWOOD. HE'S BEEN SHOT NUMEROUS TIMES. A DEAD DONKEY LIES BESIDES HIM.

RABBI BEN CAPTION: I WAS LYING DEAD WHEN I TURNED AND SAW THE BURNING RICE PATTY.

PANEL OF RICE PLANT ON FIRE

RABBI BEN CAPTION: GOD DIDN'T SPEAK TO ME IN WORDS BUT I KNEW WHO HE WAS AND WHAT MY MISSION WAS GOING TO BE. HE HEALED ME OF MY WOUNDS AND SET ME FORTH

PANEL OF RABBI'S HAND PULING FREE THE JAW BONE OF THE DONKEY

RABBI BEN CAPTION: JAW BONE OF AN ASS. GOD HAS A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR. IT WAS TIME TO GO OLD TESTAMENT ON SOME VC

PANEL OF RABBI BEN'S BACK HOLDING THE BLOODY JAWBONE HEADING TOWARD THE UNSUSPECTING VC SOLDIER. HIS BACK IS IN SHADOW, BUT YOU CAN TELL THAT WHAT COMES NEXT IS GOING TO BE BLOODY AND VIOLENT.

"Bring on the brothers who've gone on before
Bring on the sisters who've knocked on your door.
Bring on those sainted relations of mine
And put them up front in the offensive line."

Winner: Bob (disputed)

Bob's Thoughts: We don't have agreement on this one. Personally, I think that as great as Mike's story might be, mine has enough pure crazy to send it over the finish line. I love my story, and I may even finish it. The winner will be settled by a third party later this week.

1 Comments:

  • How is Jesusaurus Rex gonna carry a shotgun with those tiny, tiny arms?

    I love Bob's pitch and it's terrible insanity. I only disputed the claim of victory because I think mine hews closer to the day's topic.

    That's why we've got an arbiter.

    By Blogger Michael, at 10:57 AM  

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